Having to accept the fact that people who meant the world to you are not worth your time anymore is perhaps one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with lately. It hurts to know of people who I used to consider essential individuals in my life be strangers now.
If you know me well, you know family and friends are extremely important to me. I am an only child and was raised by my grandma and my mom alone. Because of this, I grew up being much more mature and independent than most kids. I’ve always been out-going and friendly, but at the end of the day, it was difficult to connect with others my own age. Moreover, I saw a lot of lonely days and nights being an only child, so relationships altogether whether they be family, friends, coworkers etc. were and are things I treasure deeply and immensely.
The people who have been in some type of relationship with me know that I would do anything for them. I will bend myself backwards and forward for them just to see them happy. So it hurts when life happens, and people change, move on, or just give up on the friendship. It hurts a lot.
A part of me always hopes that the person I knew is still there, or that I could try my hardest just to bring back what we had. I’ve found myself clinging to the past so vehemently while thinking that every second put into something that is fleeting will make it come back to me. But most of the times, I’ve been wrong.
So when is it okay to let go?
… When not being able to do anything about it is consuming you more and more every day. Not long ago, I continuously kept trying to mend a relationship and did everything and anything I could to keep it alive only to realize that the other person was already long gone.
… When you’re being treated in an undeserving way. We’ve all been in one too many relationships where the other person turns into a complete jerk. It could also be that some friends knowingly keep tossing you to the side, making you feel worthless and neglected. We can’t stay in relationships that are toxic. We need to be around people who are helping us achieve our goals while supporting us every step of the way. If they’re killing your vibe, it’s time to say goodbye.
… When you’re just not important to them anymore. We have to understand that we’re not necessarily a number one priority to most people in our lives. However, the relationship should be a 50/50 split. If you’re putting more effort than the other person and the person isn’t really doing much to meet you half way, something is wrong! I realized that if someone cares about you, they will make time for you regardless of distance and responsibilities, among other excuses. Perhaps, it might not be as much as it once was, but the act itself will show that they want you in their lives because you are important to them.
… When you know you deserve better. After going through a very tough break-up, a friend promised to visit me to cheer me up. I couldn’t have felt more relieved at the thought of having this particular friend with me after going through some very sad nights. I felt very alone, and a friend like her was all I needed at the moment. She was supposed to be there in the morning, but I waited all day until midnight that night with a plate filled with food and a heart full of excitement. I later found out she had stood me up to go see a guy she had been talking to who happened to be where I was. She never called to cancel, and she never apologized. I’d be lying if I said I was over this one given that person meant so much to me. However, I realized I deserved a better friend through the fact that even after 7 months, I’ve yet to hear back from her. A decent person would have at least cancelled; a friend would have made up for it by now.
Going through this phase of recognizing that things have changed and deciding if it’s worth staying (or staying more time) is very complex. It sucks, I know… especially if all you have left between that person and yourself is a bitter cold distance.
Through the years, I’ve realized that I am worth it, and I can’t forget that even though some have forgotten me. Life is not meant to feel bogged down about someone who doesn’t want to be a part of your life anymore. Life is meant to be enjoyed with the ones who are willing to do so with you.
Know when it’s time to move on and do so with all the great memories sealed to your heart. But above all, know your worth. Life will grant you many friends but at the end of the day, it will only give you one you.