It seems like it was yesterday when I was just arriving to campus with my mom. We were both just as excited and nervous (although, I think she secretly wished I would want to come back to Puerto Rico with her). After getting lost on our way to the dorms (and confusing sidewalks with roads), we finally made it to what would be my Freshman home, or man cave as my roommate back then and I decided to call it later on.
I am now a Senior. I walk around campus with all the confidence in the world, because I actually know where I’m going now. (Pfft, of course I’m lying. I got lost trying to find the bathrooms in the Deike building). Classes don’t seem as intimidating anymore, and even going out on school nights doesn’t feel as though I’m violating some rule in the “How to be the Perfect College Student 101” handbook (I promise the partying came to a halt this weekend though!)
Moreover, I feel so much smarter than what I felt on my first day as a Freshmen as I am now able to have intellectual conversations about topics regarding my majors. Not to mention, I feel as though I have a clearer grasp of who Lorena is and who Lorena is turning out to be. Poor me as a Freshmen thought she had it all figured out…
I must confess that although it feels AWESOME to be a Senior, I am scared. No, that’s an understatement… I am terrified!
Why? Well, I always said that I would go straight to Law school after finishing my undergrad. This summer, I think I decided that it would be best for me in the long-run to take a gap year (or two) in between. Although I have a vague idea of what I’m thinking about doing, I won’t say anything for now until I know for sure.
I went from seeing a lucid future to seeing a very foggy one, and it’s been eating me up inside for the past few months. “But what about everything that you learned and wrote about in your blogs while you were traveling?” Argh, I know, I know… I’ll find my way soon enough, and I’ll end up exactly where I’ll need to be.
It’s just that sometimes it’s hard waiting to see where life will take you next. We can enjoy life’s thrills while we can until all of a sudden BAM, reality smacks you in the face. You realize that you aren’t in fairyland anymore (or being courted by handsome Europeans) and that it’s time to make moves. But what moves and in which direction?
Everyone knows that I am very dedicated and proactive, but right now, I feel stuck. I feel as though I need a sign; I need to be confirmed that I’m making the right decisions and that I’m headed on the right path. More than anything, I believe God is testing my patience right now. When I want something, I usually want it fast and as we all know, life is not always like that. Sometimes, we just have to learn how to trust and wait patiently; something that I’m now learning how to do.
So even though I might know the library front to back and when is the best time to go grab lunch at the HUB, I’ve never felt so lost as a student in my whole life. Guess I’m a lost Senior after all.
I’m writing this post, because I know there are a lot of you out there who feel exactly how I’m feeling and/or have been through this exact same phase. I want us both to feel as though we’re not alone. Also, I need A LOT of words of encouragement, so if you find it in you to send me some love, PLEASE DO SO!
Other than that, I have a lot going on this year. I am SUPER excited about working as a Research Assistant for the Marketing department, being Vice-President for Oriana Singers, and working on bringing more Latinos to CRU, among other fun stuff. I also have my own crib, which is really close to downtown and school, and I even got myself a bike!
There are so many things I should be looking forward to this year, and I KNOW it will be a fantastic one. The last thing I want to do is regret not enjoying my last year, because I was too busy figuring out what to do when it ended. So please join me in living more in the now; the future can wait.
P.S: That picture was taken on the first day of my Freshmen year. Below is a picture of me on my first day as a Senior. Let’s all appreciate the transformation. XO